This is one, you know.  We are a town.  I see myself as the crazy old Shaman woman living in a hut at the edge of the village.  Shaking a rattle made out of snakeskin and walnut shells.

My friend and fellow BJJ classmate "BJJ Mommy" read my recent post "sigh," and gave me a hug when she saw me in class.  She told me her sons were also disappointed in their own performance, and sulked after their losses.  Then she said something that kind of made me shake off the last bits of my own self pity and whining.  She told me, 'hey, you are here in class, and they need to see that, that you train and compete, and you are back here today.'

BJJ Mommy made me realize, and well, reminded me that I have a role in the universe of my school.  Sitting around and whining about a tournament loss is a giant disservice to myself, and to others around me, especially younger minds.

I have a responsibility to myself to persevere, to maintain commitment, to work harder, and to do what it takes to achieve the goals I have laid out.  I also have a responsibility to my fellow students to not be a drag and a snarky, crabby bore.  And last, I have a responsibility to the parents of the children in our school.  I don't ever want a parent to see in me a sour attitude, and make them think, 'wow, I need to keep my kid away from her.'  I want them to see my perseverance, my commitment, and my hard work.  This is how it's done.

Part of my role in the "town" of BJJ is to set an example of good sportsmanship and excellent fighting spirit.  That means if I lose, I get back to the mat and train.  Plain and simple.  Train.


And PS, that being said, one also needs down time.  I am taking tonight off for a massage.  And I might make nachos.  And I might bake Georgette's brownies....;P


  1. I can't tell you how timely this is. Tonight was my first night back after the toe issues and also the closest I've come to crying since I started training. I felt so bad and helpless and hopeless getting dominated by a heavier, lower belt. I didn't hang out or even slow down after class. I changed and immediately left, wishing for a BJJ hug the whole way.

    Whenever I wonder why I show up, I think back to Parrhumpa telling me he was glad I was there. Tonight though, I felt like a burden...and your post reminded me that sulking doesn't do anyone any good.

    Thanks for this one.

  2. We all have our ups and downs, our good days and our bad. We all try and keep our mood in check and we check our ego at the door. Just keep doing what you're doing and don't change one iota of who you are. Would not be the same.

    Train hard, roll well. A fellow classmate.

  3. @Megan- Oh my gosh, you are so welcome! Let me tell you, I have done my fair share of sulking. I have had to learn patience, patience, and still...more patience.

    Practicing a martial art, or any art for that matter means that you move at Mama Nature's time, the land of hand delivered mail and methodical timing; void of up to the minute faxes, emails and real time news. The joy of improvement is experienced slow, up close, and personal, as is the toil required for that leap forward. I suppose we need to learn to embrace the sour.

    @Anon- Thank you! ....;))

  4. You rock, woman. And you have sense to get yourself a massage. If I ever compete again, I am scheduling one for the day after. Non-negotiable. You are practicing great selfcare both physically and mentally--that is a role model! (Oh, and brownies--the way to go. I have a really easy recipe for some ultra fudgies, if you need one. Heck, maybe I should do a food porn post. Problem is I end up eating them all.)


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