don't read this if you are looking for mature, intelligent prose.
lost today. well, took second. there was one other competitor in my bracket and i lost on points. 2-0, okay so that's the only halfway okay part. played my game, worked my spider. went for a sweep. went for a bunch of sweeps. went for an arm-lock from the guard. oh goody goody gum drops, i played my game. lotta fucking good it did me. okay yeah i have improved my game this year, i played some offense that i worked hard to achieve, but it's lame. it's not good enough. my game is not good enough. and im not going to quit. i swear to god i will go back to that damn mat this week and i will work harder.
I am SICK to death of goddamn fucking losing. fuck losing. I train and train and train. I fucking put my heart and soul on that mat.
I want gold. I want victory. I want to stand on the middle podium and be proud. I want everyone to look at the patch on my back and say, "wow, he must be proud." I want my competitors to see my name on the list and think, "oh no, I don't wanna fight her," not "oh, cool, that lame chick that has a weak ass patty cake jiu jitsu game.
dusting the dirt off my sucker.
where's my grindstone? need to get back to it.