November 06, 2011

bang head here

I think I am going to quit my job so I have 40 more hours a week to train.  Okay, not really, but...sigh...I can only train more and refine for competition at this point.  Training harder would be detrimental my game.

The good:

I successfully dropped to a lower weight class.  I have not lost strength, stamina, or agility.  In fact, I have improved in those areas, especially stamina.  I was worried about gassing out in the first 2 seconds of my fight because I have cut back on my caloric intake so much, but my wind was top notch.

Ana WENT (she is very strong) for a guillotine off the bat and I defended it.  She got me in side control and I not only defended it with a simple frame and rock solid leg positioning, bit I reversed it by sweeping her up toward her head and over, thus scoring 2 points.

Mentally....delicious.  I felt relaxed and confident.

The bad:

She got me in a arm lock from guard.  I lost.  I'm so tired of losing.  I'm so tired of writing about losing.  I feel like I have put every puzzle piece into place.  The stamina.  The diet.  The mental/physical calm.  Now if I could just train as much as my opponents.... the last corner piece.

no words of wisdom this time.  just a head hung very low and thoughts of "will I ever get on that podium?"  Sometimes I'll hear the announcer call someone's name to the medal podium 2 or 3 times and I always think, geez the day I make it there at an IBJJF tournament, I'll be waiting.  They won't have to call my name over and over.  the rainy gray day is appropriate for my mood.



  1. This post was really encouraging...especially to someone like me that hasn't competed. The desire to keep going and get better even if you haven't had the successes you want is really inspiring.

    I really hope you find a way to train really can get in the way of life sometimes.

  2. You always inspire me Dagney. Thanks for your words of encouragement when I'm battling the little voice trying to talk me out of competing. 10 days and counting until my second competition. Just hoping for the chance to get my hand raised in victory at least once...that would be sweet!! :D

  3. You've done all you can do, sweets... there will always be those (younger, wealthier, more athletic) opponents who (can recover in an hour/can work 15 hours a week and train 40/whose bodies just instinctively absorb and move and grow and perform like gods).... we normal people can only refine and improve within human limits, with balanced lives and jobs and families... That's the real win, right there :) We are so proud of you :)

  4. @ Megan and @ Mrs Ibarra- oh my gosh, both of you are too kind. One of my long-term, life goals is to live in such a way to shine light, and encourage others to shine. I felt like this post was a bit whiny and snarky and not well lit. That you both found some of the words inspiring is wonderful! At least I threw a little candle out there!

    @Georgette and @Josh- Sigh, thank you both You know what is so weird? The fact that I find myself kind of addicted to competition. I mean, I CANNOT sit back and say '''oh well, I'll NEVER get there..." Losing a fight is merely a disappointment, giving up the fight to fight is a horrifying, unbearable disgrace. So onward I move.