don't read this if you are looking for mature, intelligent prose.

lost today.  well, took second.  there was one other competitor in my bracket and i lost on points.  2-0, okay so that's the only halfway okay part.  played my game, worked my spider.  went for a sweep.  went for a bunch of sweeps.  went for an arm-lock from the guard.  oh goody goody gum drops,  i played my game.  lotta fucking good it did me.  okay yeah i have improved my game this year, i played some offense that i worked hard to achieve, but it's lame.  it's not good enough. my game is not good enough.  and im not going to quit.  i swear to god i will go back to that damn mat this week and i will work harder.   

I am SICK to death of goddamn fucking losing.  fuck losing.  I train and train and train.  I fucking put my heart and soul on that mat.

I want gold.  I want victory.  I want to stand on the middle podium and be proud.  I want everyone to look at the patch on my back and say, "wow, he must be proud."  I want my competitors to see my name on the list and think, "oh no,  I don't wanna fight her,"  not "oh, cool, that lame chick that has a weak ass patty cake jiu jitsu game.

sigh again.
dusting the dirt off my sucker.

where's my grindstone?  need to get back to it.



  1. I like your attitude
    I will work harder.
    I will not quit.

  2. lol!!! You are a sweetheart. I debated on whether or not I should write anything tonight because I knew it would be filled such anger. Thank you so much for reinforcing the small nuggets of forward momentum.


    PS- I have read your profile before. Do you have a blog? If you do, I could not find the link. I would love to read it!

  3. Failure is life's way of showing you where you need to improve.

    With out failure we would grow stagnant and never improve.

    Failure is just an opportunity in disguise.

    So, go out there and fail bigger.


    P.S. If you really want to win you could always put on a white belt.

  4. Thank you for the wise words.

    I am usually able to find the balance and "open doors" in any given situation, but this time I just sat down and threw a tantrum onto my keyboard.

    So back to the mat I went this morning...;)

  5. P.S. It's good and cathartic to get it all out, just no wallowing inthe self-pity. No pity parties for you young lady.


  6. Dagney, I don't have a blog just yet. I'm more of a pen and paper type of girl.


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